While everyone else is hitting the gym strong on January 2 only to quit before February, or swearing off donuts forever only to inhale a dozen cream-filled a day later, how about taking a rather different approach to New Year's resolutions for once. Self-denying something you deeply love or committing yourself full-throttle to those terrible things you loathe does not make for a very realistic goal for anyone, not even the truest of masochists. So as you're winding down the remaining hours of 2015, dreaming yet again of that Pinterest-worthy life you covet over the next twelve months, how about making a bit of a compromise this time around the sun.
Just getting out of bed each morning is commitment enough. Why set yourself up for failure by torturing yourself even further with empty self-promises. The main goal with any resolution is to be a better person in some way, shape or form, right? Well, how about starting small and working your way up from there. Baby steps. After all, slow and steady wins the race.
Let's begin with a light stretch, shall we. Instead of picking up a shiny new gym or juice club membership, let's appraise a few minor, but effective shortcomings to put down. In honor of 2016, here are 16 things we should all bid adieu starting January 1:
I: Send your inner mean girl packing once and for all. This goes for you too, gents. Because being an unwarranted bitch or bully is soooo 2014. Exuding grace and compassion is far more attractive than that of a hateful jerk.
II: Quit the guilt. For every french fry, glass of wine, or bite of cheesecake you consume chase it with something pulled from a garden. Don't write-off your vices entirely (unless that vice is heroin then, well...), just adopt a steady balance of good and evil. Also, a french fry you make at home or one that is "whole" is still far better than one Mr. McDonald offers. Keep that in mind too.
III: Stop being so mean to yourself. Really, enough. You deserve better, and that's that.
IV: Stop giving your dollars away to cheap fashion. You know I had to throw this one in there, right? But honestly, to piggyback on III, your body and future wardrobe deserve better. And you can afford better, it's called thrifting. Try it.
V: Stop wasting everything. Turn off the lights when you leave a room. The water when you brush before rinsing. Order less food or actually eat it if you save it. Better yet, offer your leftovers to the guy begging for money on the corner. I promise he'll eat it. Even if his response says otherwise. Give clothing you don't wear to shelters rather than dust bunnies. You get the jest. Less really is more. Basically, cut back, bitch!
VI: Give up at least one cigarette a day. Come on, smokey, you can let go of one.
VII: Designate one day that's completely off-limits to social media. That means 24hrs of ZERO Facebook, Insta, Snapchat, etc. Remember the days when we actually read a book or talked face to face with someone? Or even received a hand-written note in the mail?? No? Well shame on you! That should cost you an entire week of absolutely no social media privileges but the point of this is baby steps and forgiveness. Nonetheless, think about how envious your online friends will be over your quiet social feeds for a day. They'll think you went out and got yourself a life.
VIII: Stop eating and drinking crap. As mentioned in II, eat what you love in moderation like everything else, but simply eat whole. Whole as in foods without added preservatives and other scary stuff in them. Stuff you can't pronounce. Plus, a burger from local grass-fed cattle with real cheese is SO much more scrumptious than those sad patties of mystery meat found in a drive-thru.
IX: Stop hating everything and everyone. So what if your colleague is always happy for no reason at all or your neighbor gets a new car every six months. Mind your own business and focus on yourself. Also, can we all please try and tackle our inner racist? Unless your first name starts with Dalai or Pope you harbor some--even a tiny bit--of bigotry within and it's only tainting your beautiful insides so exorcise that ugliness right outta there, will ya. Thanks.
X: Quit trying to be someone/something you're just not. It's fine to admire and idolize others but even identical twins aren't wholly identical. Cloning is weird, unnatural and scary, okay. There's only one you, so be that and make her/him uniquely fabulous all your own. Believe it or not, diversity is what makes this life, this planet so darn interesting.
XI: Like, can you like stop with the like, god-awful vocabulary like yesterday? K thanx byyyyyeeeee. Remember folks, a little intelligence goes a looooooooooooong way. Clearly it's fun to act all uncivilized now and again, but if you find yourself using "like" entirely more as an adverb than any of its other literary uses on a regular basis you need to quit that. Like, now.
XII: Stop judging. As fabulous as you are, perfect you are not. Unless you carry a gavel, wear a black robe and get paid to persecute people you, my dear, you have no right to pass judgement on anyone else. *snap*
XIII: Stop being angry. Hangry is excusable, but that deeper toxic stuff needs to be left behind in the gym, confession, the fireplace or in the ground because again, you deserve better and so does the rest of the world. Hard as it is or not, work through it, and let that sh** go.
XIV: Denounce that crappy friend. This goes for lovers too. Because it's really pointless to keep entertaining the notion that one day they'll care. Guess what--they won't. And trust me when I advise you'll only feel worse the longer it takes, after this notion finally kicks in. Show them this list, then rip that bandaid off and move on. Fini!
XV: Stop pushing yourself until you crumble. Everyone has a breaking point. Even built-from-steel machines breakdown eventually. Know your limits, recharge and offer no apologies after.
XVI: Enough with the excuses. Own it, whatever it is, and kindly move on. Kindly being the key word here.
Happy, healthy and hearty New Year, all. Let's crush 2016 and give it all we got.